EMOTIONS.....

I am sitting in my hostel room confused within myself ...fighting with my emotions.....at one point angry the very next second sad...and then suddenly happy over something and then again sad.....its all so confusing....and then after so many emotions i feel confused about what actually i am feeling....and then i can make out only one thing that i am not feeling good...these emotions can sometimes be so confusing and but still we have to feel them we cant help it....and i feel like sharing everything with someone...and then i think against it and then i stop halfway through telling all that....and if at all i tell then there is no one who can actually understand and just listen to what i m saying without any expert comments or analysing....people listen and give their own comments what they think...but it does not matter what they are thinking....its me who is thinking and feeling all this.....and that should be listened to and understand ....everybody is the rush of proving him/her better...its like you can not speak your thoughts out loud...because if you do then people around can not resist the temptation to prove you wrong and to prove themselves, their thoughts superior to you.....and i wonder in the end does this all even matters....and so in the end i decide to keep all what i m feeling in me push it all inside me...and when all of it gets too hard to take in then call any one of my few far off friends to listen to all that......because no matter what they are always there to just listen to me make me feel good...and not  analyse me or prove me wrong...and see now when i am thinking about them i am already feeling better....i love you all....

RANDOM..

Its 12.30 in the night and i am sitting in my room in my HOME...its the middle of the semester and fortunately or unfortunately i am home and i am loving every moment of it....HOME when we hear the word a rush of emotions  go through us..when i was not in the hostel i never thought much about my home but when i left my home my parents and my brothers for higher studies i realized the importance of my FAMILY of mummy papa brothers and home....and its so true we never realize the importance of anything which we have in life..we take everything for granted..and when we are away from them then we realize their importance..but how unfair is that..if i had realized the importance of home then i may never have had left it..and i would  have been happy with my family..but here i am away from my mummy papa brother who need me all the time and i have to wait for my college holidays or my teachers approval to visit my own home my parents even if they need me or i need them.....and this is all because we take things for granted until we lose them....but then may be if we do not lose them we may never realize the importance they hold in our lives.. may this the way of life to teach us things practically.....its a vicious circle which will never end and we will have to live through this all our lives........

The happy days.....

The other day i was brooding on all the problems in our lives :( ...and then i saw the photograph of my school and i went back in time...the time when we were young, careless, energetic, and HAPPY...those were the happiest days of my life( and i am sure everybody's life) there was nothing to worry about..every other day we used to have a different best friend and still everybody else also used to be our best friend....being friends with someone or loving someone or being loved by someone was not so difficult then....those were the times when having a barbie less than your friend made you poorest person on earth and having more barbies made you richest :)....the time when the most dreadful thing that could happen to me was my brothers breaking the neck of my dolls!!!!!!!......the time when everyday in the evening we used to play with the children in our colony and fight with them over small things such as a kite or even a shiny looking stone....the time when broken toys, old copies, pen and a collection of stones used be our treasure.......life was so easy then..nobody could hurt us... one moment we were crying and the next we were laughing our hearts out......the days when we never cared about our clothes and appearances..when we used to go out and play in mud and make temples with sand and stone gods...and the days when our mothers were always after us to come inside and not to play in mud...and we used to think when we will grow up...and now that i am grown up i want become a little girl again....i want to be happy i want to live life and i want to go back to my childhood days....i dont want to be hurt and i don't want to break down...why being happy becomes so difficult when we grow up???? why such a simple thing as smilling takes all our efforts and where does all the love inside us goes?????why life becomes so screwd up once we grow up..why do we have to grow  up???.. :( ...and i really don't want to grow up....i want to live my chidhood days again when i was my mummy papa's pretty little girl...........when i was HAPPY...

Old people are god's blessing to us respect them love them....

Yesterday one of my friends told me about a dadiji who lives near her house....that dadiji lives with her son and his family..she has three grand daughters and two grandsons anybody would think her to be a lucky old lady with a good nice family....but she is not.....her grandchildren do not respect or even talk to her nicely...her daughter in law has nothing to do with her...and her own son just watches all this and does nothing.....all this left me thinking about all the other old people just like that dadiji....and i thought...even if a stranger comes to our house we offer him a glass of water and talk to him nicely and we don't have two words of love for those people who created us...its because of them that we exist....they give away everything for their children...their children are world for them...and these children don't have words of comfort ,respect and love for them not even to repay the love they gave them (not that we can ever repay our parents but still..) ...i don't understand why daughters in law forget that they too have parents and if anybody treated their parents like that would they like it???? In laws are your parents after marriage and if they something then their intention is always the good of family and they are more experienced so what they say is right....our own parents also scold us at times then why can't in laws they are also our parents and they want us to improve to be better person that's why they tell us things....and even if people can't remember this thing then atleast they can remember that they are also going to get old one day...and then their children will do the same to them because that's what they are teaching their children indirectly....old people are a blessing to us they have experience of a lifetime to share with us...and may be this may sound bookish or something but still the family who does not respect their elders never prosper.....if we keep just these simple things in mind i am sure every house will be a happy family because then all the elders will be happy.........so please do keep these things in mind...........

school days...

When i was in school i used to dream about college...when will i go to college?? I used to have my own fanatasies about college...no rules..no uniforms...also all the fun with friends..bunking the classes...but as my school days were coming nearer i started having mixed feelings...i was sad to leave my school my friends my teachers the place that was next to home for me... where i spent 12 most precious years of my life...that place was the part of my existence...even today whatever i am good or bad its because of my school..my school formed my character... my school is a part of my identity and at the same time i was looking forward to go to college make new friends....wear new clothes...and most important of all no rules to follow....and soon enough first day of my college arrived....i was hell scared..what with all the dangerous looking seniors...and new classmates telling me what to do what not to do...and the ragging stuff...and my mummy papa also went to jaipur that day after settling me in the hostel so i cried also that thay....so all in all my first day was not as i imagined it to be...far worse to tell the truth....and after that more of those days were to come and i started thinking my college life is hell.. no friends ..no one to go to when you are most discouraged.........but now after 3 years of college when i look backward i feel all that should have happened otherwise i would never have realised the importance of school in my life.....of my teachers who shaped my life..of friends who are still there for me even though we are miles apart.....and i have started enjoying my college life also with the friends I found here..and they are awesome....we fight for icecreams and chocolates.... we make fun of everything and everyone and we create such scenes on road when we are out together...they cry with me, they laugh with me...they do crazy things with me, they are always there by my side.... they make my life worth living in hostel....so wherever you go you will find those few people sooner or later who will make that difference in your life and make it worth living... like i found my friends a bit late but i am happy now that i came here....this place has taught me many things.........importance of school ,of parents ,family nd friends.......after coming here i realised what my school meant to me....what my freinds meant to me ...and today i would give away anything just for that one school day with my class 12-A .... i love my school ,my teachers and my school friends...i love you IIS...........